Jtwenty7

Monday, January 31, 2005

Jet Stream

I'm a New York Jets fan. If I hear they're playing, I always root for them. I don't know anything about the Jets, except for a tv-movie about Dennis Byrd that I watched when I was in high school. He used to play for the Jets until he was paralyzed as a result of an injury he sustained during a game. He and his wife are really neat Christians that prayed their way through the situation as they waited for healing and restoration.

There's this great scene where they're singing in an old country church:

They that wait upon the Lord
Shall renew their strenth
They shall mount up with wings as eagles

They shall run and not grow weary
They shall walk and not faint
Teach me Lord
Teach me Lord to wait


Today was a no day. Two more nos and we'll have none. We've reached the two-month mark as of tomorrow - a point where I really thought we'd be doing some serious packing and making the goodbye rounds. And now we almost seem further from yes than we did a month ago. Apparently God and I have different timetables.

Newnan was actually the first place we moved where I didn't have a timetable. I was supposed to live in Huntington for six months until my husband finished college and then we'd move where he went to seminary. We were supposed to live in Denver for three years while he finished seminary and then we'd move to the first job. The first job was a chance to settle in and establish some roots, without counting down until the time we'd move again. I think it's best not to know the future. I would have been lousy at adapting to Newnan if I had known that I'd only be here for 18-some-odd months.

And now I'm discovering that I really need to live the next several days or months or years without a timetable. I've been lousy about Newnan the past few weeks - the last week especially, as I find my temper running shorter and shorter and my patience wearing thinner and thinner. Instead of living as if I'm leaving tomorrow, I suppose I should at least live as if I'm here til the end of next month. By then, maybe I can say that I'm ready to stay until the end of the month after that.

Afterall, by the end of the movie and after a lot of hard work in physical therapy, Dennis Byrd was able to walk again. Pretty inspiring faith.

Teach me Lord
Teach me Lord to wait

Sunday, January 30, 2005

To Blog or Not to Blog

That's the question.

Because, the truth is, I'm running out of things to say. I feel like nothing of real interest is happening in my life right now. Seems a rather odd thing to say, since I am on the verge of...how does David Crowder say it? Standing on the edge of something large.

I've never literally jumped off the edge of a cliff before, but I can imagine that it's extremely unnerving to reach the edge for the first time. I would probably pass out at that point and accidentally fall off the edge. Now, in the case that I would be able to keep it together, my palms would get sweaty and probably my legs shaky and there'd be butterflies in my stomach as I thought about what I was about to do. But there would have to come a point when I'd just jump to get it over with, don't you think?

I'm ready to jump to get it over with. Don't freak out - this isn't a suicide note. I'm just saying that I know we're going to be leaving, I know I'm going to have to meet new people, build new relationships, find a new place to live, learn a new grocery store, adapt to a new job, find a mechanic...

Enough already with the anticipation! I've gone from scared to leave to scared to stay. It's amazing the kind of transition that two months can bring.

So I'm ready, aside from an enormous amount of packing. But I guess I can't jump just yet. I guess the whole idea of jumping involves knowing that the timing is right and something will be there to catch me and maybe that new world isn't quite ready yet, even though I am, and maybe I'm not as ready as I think I am.

Anyway, the waiting part is pretty boring and there's not much to say when you're standing on the edge of something large.

Boring life equals boring blog.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Toilet Usage

Yesterday a man washed his hands in our toilet.

I don't really know what to think of this. I'm pretty sure it's a first. It can only mean that my house is so clean, that it's now possible to mistake the toilet for a sink. I should be proud. I think that's what I feel...

The rest of the story is that he was plastering in our bathroom and was just rinsing off his hands. But the toilet?

I guess to put it all in perspective, you have to remember that my cat thinks the toilet is a giant drinking fountain. Now that's messed up.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Position Filled

We've been dreading these words. Everyday, there's another check of the email and another trip to the mailbox. As you click or unlock the box, there's a slight cringe as you reach for the contents. What if there's a letter with a "thanks but no thanks, the position has been filled?" So far, this has only happened with one church that we weren't that excited about anyway.

On the other hand, there's this tiny rush of hopeful adrenaline some days when I'm packing up stuff at work and getting ready to head home. Maybe there's been news today. So far, this hasn't happened.

A position was filled this past week - mine. It makes my insides nervous and shaky just to think about it, and the tears begin threatening to spill over.

I had a horrible night on Friday. I was this total mess of tears that wouldn't stop. We had had an awesome night on Thursday. One of our good friends from college was in town and we had so much fun just hanging out and catching up. He's one of those people that you've known for almost ten years, that understands who you are, has shared experiences with you in the past, sympathizes with where you are now and has the ability to make you laugh. We don't have anyone else like that around here and I had looked forward to his visit for several weeks. Friday was the combination of nothing else on the calendar to look forward to, an empty weekend, an unknown future and the certainty that I am going to be training myself out of a job.

They hired my replacement on Thursday morning. She'll start either February 7th or 14th. That means that I have two more weeks doing my job as I know it. After that, I'll be training her and after I'm done training her, my job will become answering phones and shredding paper. They assure me that they need me for as long as I need to stay. Someone is going out on maternity leave, but it's not like she has a job that I can actually take over.

I understand where they're coming from. I've known that they were going to start looking for someone - my job was listed in the paper within about a week and a half of Mike being fired. I understand that she needs to be secure in her knowledge of my job in order for the transition to be a smooth one, but it's just not going to be the same.

I know that I shouldn't be living in the land of "what if," but just for the sake of visiting there for one moment...what if we're here for several more months? What am I going to do - living in an apartment that is starting to look bare and working at a job that isn't really there?

WANTED: Poet who doesn't know it.
POSITION FILLED.

Friday, January 21, 2005

Much Ado About Nothing

I spent the last hour and half typing and now just finished erasing it all. I had such a strong desire to write tonight, but nothing to say.

Okay, nothing to say that can be translated from gut feelings to a computer screen.

Afterall -

Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life...

Saturday, January 15, 2005

2 Kids, Some Paint and a Movie

I just finished watching Collateral, starring Tom Cruise and Jamie Fox. It was a really good film with some deeply defined characters. At one point the discussion turns to the meaning of life and Tom Cruise's character relays that he thinks a person is like a single star in the sky that, upon vanishing, no one even notices. Max, played by Jamie Fox, has been a taxi driver for twelve years while he saves enough to start his own limo business. He insists that driving is just a temporary job - yet he takes it very seriously. When introducing his character, we see Max getting his car ready for the night shift. The car is glowing, it's so clean. He knows the fastest routes in LA. He knows where the traffic is easiest to maneuver. He can determine, down to the minute, how long it will take to get from point A to point B.

Jamie said that as part of his research for this part, he spent some time with actual taxi drivers and he encountered a man very similar to Max. This man loves driving taxi. He has it down to a science. He has taken a job that many of us would look down upon as a lesser calling and has determined to complete it in excellence. His passion is the taxi and he lives to fulfill that passion with perfection.

Last October I went to Home Depot to buy some paint. After completing the much loved task of picking the colors we wanted, we took our selections to the paint counter. We had to wait for several minutes before it was our turn because the guy behind the counter was finishing up with another customer. He was going on and on about paint techniques and how to apply it just right.

At first, it was pure frustration. Just mix the paint, slap on the label and get on with it already! But then the more I listened, the more I started to get inspired by this kid. His hands and apron were evidence of his passion - a mix of all the colors he had prepared throughout the morning. As he finished with the people before us, he assured them that, if they ran into any problems or had any questions, they could reach him because he practically lived there. Then he turned to us with a smile and dove into the next project.

This guy loved paint more than anyone else I have ever met. He took pride in helping people create masterpieces in their homes or businesses. He gets a high just thinking about the small role he has played in facilitating beauty.

It's been six years since I graduated from Focus on the Family Institute. While there, I had the incredible privilege of studying under John Eldredge, who introduced me to The Sacred Romance. It was during those three months that he peeled away a blindfold that had been plastered on from years of textbook Christianity. My eyes were opened anew to the Author of a Story that I found myself in the middle of, as one of the characters.

The day before graduation, my dad and I went to the Colorado Springs airport to pick up my mom who was flying in for a couple days. Back then, you could still wait for someone at the gate, so we were sitting in front of the big windows, just passing the time. In front of us, there was one of those lego tables with a bunch of legos. Soon a couple of little boys came up and started creating this elaborate tower and I started to cry. They were living out the story of their heart. It has been instilled in us to create because we are made in the image of our Creator. Even little kids get it, though they don't know how to put words to it. We start practicing immediately for who we are going to be.

It is absolutely amazing, isn't it? There are millions of us - as many as there are stars in the sky. Some of us are building great buildings. Someone else is providing brilliant colors for the canvas and others are taking pride in the fastest route from the airport to a downtown hotel.

Whatever your role is, play it with all your heart. Nothing pleases the Author more.

Friday, January 14, 2005

Supermarket Sweep

Do you ever pretend you're playing Supermarket Sweep in the grocery? For us, it's a contest to see how many members we can run into during a single shopping experience.

I swear we need to find a new grocery store. Apparently board members of First Methodist are restricted to shopping solely at Publix on Bullsboro.

Today, for the first time in one month and thirteen days, I ran into one of the parties directly responsible for firing my husband. In fact, he was even with me at the time. We went into Publix to buy bread, milk and mustard, and there she was in the first aisle.

Recognition. Big Smile. "Hi! How are you doing?"

HOW AM I DOING?!?!?

Well, we have entered Publix with a checkbook that reads exactly $-13.38. My place of employment is hiring my replacement next week and I am going to train her for God knows how long before I leave at an unappointed time to an unappointed place. My apartment is in shambles because there are packed boxes everywhere and where there aren't packed boxes, there are boxes waiting to be packed. AND I can't even go to Publix for milk without raising my blood pressure 50 points!

I am fine, Betsy. How the heck are you?

I can't wait to check out and see how many bonus points an actual pastor-parish relations committee member is worth.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Baby Baby

My life has recently become consumed by apples. Apples in stockings, applesauce snacks and Apple Computers. My husband is mac-crazy. My mother-in-law named this other woman "Maxine." I compete with Maxine for my husband's attention.

I saw Steve Jobs on Fox News when I was at work today and, even without sound, I knew they were doing a story on the big release that was held earlier this week. I knew that the particular b-roll they were playing featured Steve holding the new thing where you can buy a mac computer for $500 (lowest price ever), without having to get the monitor. I know all about the Griffin itrip, ilife, ipod socks and the ipod itself. I'm typing on a Powerbook G4 while I listen to an Amy Grant cd that I just downloaded into itunes.

Don't get me wrong. I like Maxine pretty well. It's hard to be jealous of such a dynamic lady. She's fun to hang around with. Just today, she told mic about a new Amy Grant itunes exclusive release. As soon as I have ten bucks to burn, that baby baby is mine. It's features include not only some original remixes, but also narratives from Amy inbetween every song. Ooh-lah-lah.

I would say that mic almost dislikes Amy as much as he likes Maxine, so I know it was probably difficult for him to pass on the good news. This just shows how much he still loves me.

Amy has had her moments. I was disappointed when she left Gary for Vince. I like Gary. He's fun to hang around with. But as much as I was discouraged and ready to give her up for good, I couldn't turn away because I love her so much. She doesn't have a showy voice. She's just plain Amy and that's what I like best.

She was my first Christian artist and Heart in Motion was my first cd. I've been with her from the Grape, Grape Joy of Jesus to Simple Things. It's too long to invest in someone to just give up (ironic - she invested a lot of time with Gary before she gave up...this is unsupportive of my point and will thusforth be dismissed as an argument).

I've been out to the Grant/Chapman farm a couple of times in my life. The first time, my parents had three free airline tickets to burn and asked me where I wanted to go. I chose Nashville for the sole purpose of stalking Amy Grant and Michael W. Smith. Yes, I have the coolest parents in the entire world. For three or four days, all they did was drive me around, looking for their houses. On the fourth day, hours before our plane was to depart, we stumbled across the farm. My mom jumped out of the car and hit the speaker at the end of the driveway and a lady answered. My mom apologized for bothering the person and then asked if they knew if Amy Grant lived nearby. The sweet southern voice replied, "this is Amy Grant." They talked until a buzzer went off and Amy told my mom to call back so they could talk some more. My mom did and they talked another minute and a half.

That's right. You didn't miss anything. I never got out of the car and never talked. This junior high girl was glued to the backseat in absolute awe, completely speechless. Hours later, I was kicking myself. Afterall, wasn't this the point of the whole trip?!?

When we got home, I wrote a three page letter to Amy, telling her how much I loved her, why I hadn't spoken with her on the speaker at the end of her driveway and ended with asking for her autograph.

I waited forever for that reply, checking the mailbox day in and day out for months. Nothing.

And then one day, there it was. A simple, plain envelope with a return address from Friends of Amy. I opened it up to find a little 3x5 notecard with her autograph.

Years later, my college communications department went to Nashville for the National Religious Broadcasters Convention. One of the college-geared activities was a trip to Gary Chapman's to sit in on a taping of his Christian countdown show. For some reason, he picked me out of the group and I ended up co-hosting the last 3/4 of the show with him. What an absolute blast!!! I will never forget it.

So, I'll always be a fan. They're a little part of who I am...the very sound of her voice makes me reminiscent of days gone by.

Ask me just how much I love you
You are starlight, I'm Galileo...

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Lost in a Trailer Park

In the last month and half, the kindness factor in our lives has been overflowing. This is not to say that we ourselves have been particularly kind - it's mostly been coming from other people. As the church drained us of everything, church members began filling us back up. These acts have varied from dinner to gifts to storage space. Yesterday, we received a new gift that also turned out to be a treasure hunt.

I love treasure hunts. I can really only remember being on one in my entire life. It was for my birthday when I was little. My parents had drawn pictures of different places around our house. I traveled a few different spots, including the mailbox and swing, and ended up in the driveway where I found a motorized plastic airplane that I could ride. I still have the clues from that hunt. Unfortunately, the plane was handed-down to a cousin.

Last night, the map was compliments of MapQuest and the treasure was boxes. One of the church families had saved some boxes for us and the only thing we had to do was pick them up. Seems simple enough.

We headed out a little after six with some scratched out directions and an address. It was dark and we were heading out of town. I think we missed four out of five turns, the kind of event that causes four different families to sit up and wonder who's come to dinner without being invited, only to find that it's a wrong number as we back out of the driveway.

Anyway, all we know is that it's a subdivision. Finally, we pull in on the main street. Huh. There are several trailers at the entrance of this place. We're driving deeper, finding only trailers. Are we in a trailer partk? Surely this family is better off! Perhaps the further we go, the less trailers we'll see...that's a negative.

A phone call to the family reveals that we were at a "Circle," rather than a "Drive." Fifteen minutes later, we were less than a mile from the Country Club. Ah. Familiarity. This is the Newnan I know.

So this is what it's come to... My treasure is boxes and my biggest adventure this week is a trailer park.

I hope we hear something soon about something somewhere.

Saturday, January 08, 2005

Too Sterile To Clean

Is there such a thing? I honestly don't know, scientifically, if there is a possibility that something could be too sterile to clean.

Sterile, overall, is a good thing. Just hearing the word makes you feel good. At the dentist's office, we have two whole rooms dedicated solely to the process of sterilization. The least sterile thing we let into our environment are the patients themselves. Some of them are just downright dirty. They smell like they've smoked a full pack on the way to the office. Some of them have colds. Others have just eaten and not bothered to brush. It makes me glad I work in the office and not in their mouths.

There are those who try, of course, to make a good impression. They'll ask for a toothpaste, toothbrush and floss when they sign in for their appointment. They're my favorite. I'm one of them. It has always been a ritual for me, before going to the dentist, to brush, floss and rinse with Listerine. In fact, I would say that the interview for this job was a first for me - the first time I have ever flossed immediately before going for an interview.

But you can't really trick a professional. I used to floss maybe two times in six months and then floss everyday for a week before my dental appointment and think I could get away with telling them, "yes, I've been flossing." There would be this pause and then a "hmmm...really." Then we'd go over the basics and importance of flossing.

If we could sufficiently clean our teeth on our own, there would be no point in going to the dentist. Don't get me wrong. It doesn't hurt to try to clean your teeth. We appreciate that. We just expect you to come with some calculus and stains.

I went to a church last Sunday where it felt like I should have flossed with my Bible before I walked through the doors of the santuary. It was that sterile! I felt completely out of place. I doubt a one-month hiatus from church could set me back that far, right? I was beginning to have some second thoughts. What has happened to me? Who have I become?

The music was too rehearsed. The people were too perfect. The sermon was too scriptural (I think we read through the whole Bible in thirty minutes - look for the book release in July).

I used to love a well-rehearsed praise band with the latest praise music. Heck, I used to sing with one.
I used to think it was great that everyone looked perfect on stage. Smiling the entire time they sang, speaking without error.
I have always thought that a sermon should be based on scripture.

But here I was, really for the first time in twenty-three years of church-going, feeling like my faith was too dirty to be accepted in such a sterile environment.

I guess my faith has been shaken over the past several years. And I can credit that partially to a husband that has turned my view of Christianity completely upside down. And to a small institute in Colorado that gave me new perspective. And to life's winding road that keeps moving me to new places.

I've come to think that the straight and narrow isn't so, well...straight and narrow. That maybe we've made it so narrow that hardly anyone can fit down it anymore.

It's uncomfortable to be shaken. Things don't fit exactly where they used to. The lines aren't in the same places. As I sat in church last Sunday, I thought of the words of Rich Mullins. He once said something about it being okay for your faith to be shaken. Could be that it's shaking you forward and shaking you free.

People with really horrid teeth will tell you so on the phone when they're making their appointment. They've had a bad experience in the past. Many have been yelled at for not taking care of their teeth. They don't want to be given another lecture. They know they've got black spots from neglect. They know they need help. I tell them not to worry about it, that our dentists are very gentle and understanding. Not to be discouraged. We've seen a lot worse.

The environment is sterile, but it has to be infected in order to make a difference. After all, what would a practice be without the patients? What is a church without the ability to relate to the lost?

I bet you never thought dentistry could be so profound.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Slacker

Ah, vacation.

I think I successfully removed myself from everything on every possible level while we were gone for Christmas. It was very nice.

Today was the first day I've checked my email in over two weeks.

I'm still in vacation mode, so no new blogs right now. Just a note to let you know I haven't completely given up on this thing. I've just been enjoying the slackness.